‘Where is the love?’

‘What’s wrong with the world, mama
People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that’ll bring you trauma’


I can bet that everyone knows the song  The Black Eyed Peas- Where is the love, which talks about life and how little love there is in people. This song is 15 years old but will never get old and unfortunately, it is because of us.

Recently there have been two situations in my life which made me aware of one thing that I would like to write about today. One of these situations took place in the gym.

While doing my exercise, I noticed a woman with a really great body. I was not the only one that liked her, because other people also drew attention to her, and the girls were gossiping. Finally, after finishing my training, I plucked up my courage and came up to her. I said hello and just said ‘You have a great body, I hope that one day I will achieve such a result, well done! The woman looked astonished, but her face became radiant right away. She thanked me and answered that she really appreciated the fact that I had the courage to come up to her and praise her. She also said that it rarely happened that someone praise her. I was surprised to hear that but it also got me thinking. That day in the gym there were plenty of people, but I was the only one that approached her and said what I thought. Believe me, it did not tarnish my crown, and both my ego and ‘pride’ are where they are supposed to be.

Back in the day  I used to be a person who criticised everyone and everything. I would laugh at every person that I passed by in the street, I could find some weakness in anybody just to make me feel better. The worst part was that I observed all the people around me and it got me angry when there was someone who criticised other people, or even me, but I could not see my own behaviour. Now I know that I was simply a very insecure person and I just had to prop up my self-esteem. The people who surrounded me did not help at all, as they functioned exactly the same way I did. Certainly, I am not saying that all criticism is bad, because it is not. Sometimes it actually happens that CONSTRUCTIVE criticism can help us open our eyes, but everything should be done in moderation, really.

Why is it so difficult for people to praise others? To congratulate them on their successes? If you tell someone that they look awesome, it does not mean that you are sucking up to them and that you are weak, on the contrary, you are strong enough to do just that.

I know how nice it is to read messages from friends (and not only) who congratulate me and praise what I do, who tell me that I have a great body and write well. How nice it is to be at work when a colleague praises my eyebrows and asks how I do them. So, why should I not tell someone that they look great or ask them how they became successful or got into the school of their dreams?  We need to understand that there is no such a word as ‘pride’ and our ‘ego’, the bigger it is, the more it means that we are full of insecurities which we are not dealing with.

And if you really cannot see anything that you like in a given person and all you can see is shortcomings, think  first if you are okay and then keep your mouth shut 🙂

So, I encourage everyone to make small changes. Pay someone a little complement, say a kind word, or perhaps call a friend with whom you have not spoken for a long time? I guarantee that you will feel better.


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Written by Izabela Kania